Again, the title of a Robert Heilein novel, though a slightly better one than "The Cat Who Walks Through Walls". The title is very fitting for the end of this evening.
I went out with the gals this evening for a very nice evening at a fun movie about the relationships between girls and guys. On the way home, we chatted a bit about past relationships. I alluded to the 4 years of misery that I had, but didn't really go into all the gory details. And I completely didn't mention the very first serious relationship that I had.
Anywhoo, I get on facebook this evening and two names popped up under the "people you may know" function. The odds of both of these names popping up seems very remote to me, but there they were. The only two names that make my heart race and me feel nervous and weird.
The first name, Tim, was my first serious relationship and it didn't end well and sorta drug on for years. I haven't spoken to him since high school but he was my 'first' and that hold is still there, even though I lost any serious feelings long ago. It said that we had 7 mutual friends and I was curious if one of them was Kendra. She and I used to be best friends until he broke up with me for her. I never had any hard feelings towards either of them for long, but Kendra and I were never as close because he was still between us even long after they broke up. (and no, Kendra was not 1 of the 7 friends).
The other name symbolizes almost pure evil in my dreams. It was a nightmare of a relationship for 4 long years and no one (not even Jay) really knows what all went on. There are many nights throughout the year that I wake up in a cold sweat because of some horrible dream with him in it. This evening in the car, I played it off as not that bad, but it was a lot worse. Especially after I got out of it and looked back at it. And...I am sure that it had something to do with my weight gain, but I have no proof. I really started packing on the pounds after I was free of him. Maybe just the freedom in general made me eat. who knows.
Of course, maybe it is just an easy way out for me to blame things on a man I haven't spoken to in over 9 years. Either way, seeing his full name on facebook and the fact that he will one day see mine makes me feel really weird and I am not sure how I feel about it.
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2 comments:
Sis, I think there's a way to block him so he won't ever be able to see your name. Let me ask my guru of facebook (she deals with social networking for the athletes at school she works for) and I'll get back to you tomorrow.
I too have my bad relationship history but I was crazy enough to marry mine. I am still friends with one of his childhood friends - and she, incidentially married his cousin - so I hear updates about him. Fortunately, she provided a lot of closure for me by relating his experience after our break-up. It put it all into perspective for me. I hope that someday, you will have the same closure. For me, it took 11 years.
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