Sleep, oh Blessed Sleep

"A flock of sheep that leisurely pass by
One after one; the sound of rain, and bees
Murmuring; the fall of rivers, winds and seas,
Smooth fields, white sheets of water, and pure sky -
I've thought of all by turns, and still I lie
Sleepless..."
~William Wordsworth,

"The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to." ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

The insomnia is back. For about 6 weeks now, I have suffered almost every night from lack of sleep. This has happened from time to time, but something usually happens to make me reset, like surgery on my hand (pain pills knocked me flat) or getting drunk, or something.... not this time. I lie awake in bed until 1:30 or 2 in the morning. I try very hard to sleep. If I do happen to fall asleep earlier, it is usually only 11:30 or 12 and then I tend to wake up several times a night for several differnt reasons, like Jay finally coming upstairs or a kid getting up for a potty break. Lack of sleep really screws me up and it just plain sucks. In a 24 hour period, I am typically awake for 19-20 of them. 4 or 5 hours of broken up sleep a night just isn't good.
I talked to my doctor at my last visit and she suggested some over-the-counter sleep aids. She is hesitant to prescribe something, which is fine. I bought some of the meds, but I don't like how those things have made me feel in the past so I didn't use them. I was hoping that I would sleep slightly better if Jay was gone...(no offense babe!). Jay usually falls asleep on the couch watching tv around 10 or so. I almost always wake up when he comes upstairs. If he's not home, I won't wake up, right? Blah. I finally took the pills yesterday evening, around 8. My kids were all asleelp and I wanted to sleep too. It was kinda trippy. My eyes felt heavy and sleepy, but my brain was still trying to run. I think I fell asleep around 9:30 or so. Sam woke up at 5:30, but at least I had a large chunk of good sleep. I decided to try again tonight. Tomorrow night, I have to pick Jay up at the airport in the middle of the night so I figured tonight would be a good time to try them again. Nothing. No sleepy feeling at all. I took them at 8 again and I didn't watch any tv or read anything I haven't read before. I just tried to sleep. Didn't work. It's now 11 and I am wide awake.
I don't really understand why I have to be awake. I love to sleep. I used to be good at sleeping. Now I feel like every little thing keeps me awake. I don't drink coffee, soda, or tea. I don't nap. I take hot baths, I drink warm milk (yuck, I am a cold milk person). I feel very very sleep at about 4 in the afternoon. I usually stay sleepy until I get the kids into bed at 7:30. Then a switch gets flipped and I am awake. And there I stay.


"And if tonight my soul may find her peace
in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower
then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created."
~D.H. Lawrence